If, however, the individual clearly decides what he wants and chooses to include that and only that in his life, then he is usually present and "at choice." Imagine replying to a waitress at a restaurant who asks for your order by saying, "I don't want a Caesar salad." What, then, should the waitress bring you?! If you are reacting to life's various situations by telling your friends and family what you don't want, then you are in reaction to your own rules about life - the vows you made in childhood.
Please see Escaping the Labyrinth to read more about the dynamics of vows and choice in our lives,